And Yet I Live

How many sleepless night I have been through???
How many worries dwell in me day and night???

How long for each of the prayer I keep for each of you???

How much I need to bear the consequences of others decision that affect me???

How can I take so many things with my ordinary strength and with the little wisdom that I have???
How to obey wholeheartedly to my Master when life seem so hard, hopeless and helpless to me??
Amazingly, I've been through all this and guess what, And Yet I Live.

How applicable to me in this year PYP theme.. And yet I live..

About few weeks back, I have caught in the middle to see those leaders that I respect the most, they stand up fighting, accusing, and shouting to one another. I feel very sad about it.
I can't even to stay until the conversation end. I don't have the courage to face the true war.

However, now then, after few weeks, I even firm my presence in Petra is not an accident.
My presence in Petra not because of Mr.Lian or Mr.Hing;

I come to Petra not because church got Steven Yam or the person I love the most;

I come to serve not because my commander ask me to do so.
No. It is because the One who call me to come, now, I'm here for Him-my Master Lord Jesus.

Though it sad, heart broken and discourage, but, through this incident, I even firm about my presence in Petra it is because none other than my God.

With this eye open incident, I begin to understand what is spiritual warfare about. Perhaps, I just begin to see a little bit only. But, it is very scary and horrible. Satan always come with his professional skill - destroy. Destroy the relationship between one another and break the unity and even change the love into hatred. And guess what, Satan happily doing so.

From that day onward, I keep remind myself about what Paul said about a soldier for spiritual battles. We need to equip ourselves with the very word of God. So that, we will not kill by satan and able to survive in the battle, And Yet I Live.

And so, I will do whatever I can in support my church and the ministry in benefit the youth and the church with my best.

Galatians 2 : 20-21
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

What are words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

Song what are words by Chris Medina

Some words when you spoke it out and you can never take it back.

Some words when you said and you mean nothing but why you said so?
Some words when come to right time should said NO but you remain silent, why??
What are words if you don't really mean them...

the need of discipline through pain

I do experience so much about life in this 3 years.

How much is the cost to pay for all this experiences of all good and bad?

uncountable, I think..

Being very innocent in tasting life,

don't know what is life,

never consider the cost to pay,

not even bother the consequences,

and even worst is, I thought I'm handle rightly, but, I just failed it.

Until, I know what is pain, and even so,

discipline through pain that make me strong in the Lord.

So much tears that easily drop down by simply follow emotion.

At one point, I ask the Lord, pls take me home.

Pls take me home.
Life is so full of pain and heartache.
I don't want to face all this anymore,

I don't want all this anymore.

I struggle.

I cried.

And I prayed.

Again, I cried.

What had happened in my church, that make me even firm and sure that,

my presence in church is because of my commitment in serving

the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and love.

Even so, I want to give my very best to keep the unity of my church.

Not to destroy, but to build it.

my base is Jesus Christ.

Also, I come to the Lord with a thankful heart in worship Him

with what I have and what I don't have.

Now then, I understand in Hebrew 11
how God see the need to discipline He love ones through pain.

God encourage me to run with perseverance (Hebrew 12:1)

God tell me to stay focus in His Son-Jesus (Hebrew 12:2)

so that I will not grow weary and lose heart (Hebrew 12:3)

For my God discipline those He loves (Hebrew 12:6)

Continue endure in hardship as discipline,

for God is treating me as His child (Hebrew 12:7)

And no discipline seems pleasant at that time, but painful. (Hebrew 12:11)

Life is much more easier if we just focus ourselves in the Lord.

I do appreciate for every single work from

God that is under His control

and in His right timing.

With this, what I need to persevere on

is just simple..

Stay focus in Jesus

with prayer and with an obedient heart

in follow His will.

May all this will be please unto you.

Hurt

Use things to love people, not use people to love things.

How irresponsible for you can hurt without realize it?
How many time I need to bear with your irresponsible consequences and self-fish decision?

You have what you want, why still find me??

You can do much better without me as many witness your growth whether grow stronger or weaker..that's your choice.
Your presence only remind me of hurt and heartache and painful experience.

Now then, I have even important and urgent calling to carry.

I have no time for all this petty stuffs, I will not take it into my services to my Lord.
I'm sorry, I already move on.

Use things to love people, not use people to love things.
So then, I know, I will not bring hurt to others as I also don't like hurt by others.

hoping for ending

Life is so hard to endure, difficult to go on and even so painful more than easy and happy.

Sometime, I do hope for an ending of all this or never have all this in my life.

I'm just got to realize, I'm just begin to learn what it really mean by walking with the Lord closely although I thought I know it In few years back. And actually, I just begin to learn to walk in a very 1st step. This road is a narrow road. I just begin my step but I already hoping to see the end of the road.

For I have crucified with Christ, And yet I live,

Not I but Christ live within me.

His cross will never ask for more than I can give,

For it not strength but His...

How true is the lyrics.. If my reason not because of Jesus Christ, I will not have enough courage to stay to face the pain.

Thank you, Jesus.