I'm just a kids =)

You know, only in this box, allow me to express what is in my mind and something that I don't know how to share with you face to face.

As you read on, you will find out..I'm a negative thinking person. I am a negative thiking person as many action proved I am. Therefore, I have get a book as my Birthday present - "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris to gain more acknowledge in the Lord and add on my value in Christ through book reading.

In chapter 2, it mention like below:

I love love. But I've come to realize that I don't really know about it. Oh, I can tell you all about the warm, fuzzy side of love. I can throw myself into romance with all the passion of Romeo, but in God's school of true love, I'm afraid I'm still in kindergarten.

Actually, this book writter encourage we all stay in single until we graduate from God's school of true love then only get into a courtship to have our life partner as God give to us.

As some of you know me well, you will know why I so eager to get into a relationship with him. I really love him and I mean it. But, refer to above context, actually, I'm just a kids who don't know how to love my love ones in the way God want us to love.

Not that I always want to bring up relationship issue..and you may bored with my topic
but, for me this is what matter the most..
at least now..

My present for my 23th

My most love flovour : strawberry cheesecake

Thank for Amy Pooi, Rou Sang, Dorcas, Henri and Nicholas Kim

My most love flovour : Green Tea Red Bean Cake

Home-Made by my sister Sin Mei

Thank you so much for above mention name and

many more more name that wishes me in

facebook

church

sms

as well..

also..want to thank you my Heavenly Father and my Best Friend - Jesus,

for bless me many blessings..

who make this day special for me..

23th Birth Day

1 Peter 4

Living for God

¹Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. ²As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. ³For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. ⁴They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. ⁵But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. ⁶For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit.

⁷The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. ⁸Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. ⁹Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. ¹¹If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

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Today..should call today is my most special day of the year.. However, I just hope no any celebration for me this year, and I really not in celebrate mood to have fun or to have great dinner..but, pls as normal as another normal saturday.. at least, it would not as memorable as last year.. because of this memorable memory make me sick for today.. If memorable memory only make you sad when you look back, I hope.. i will just have another normal day in this special day of the year.

But, yesterday night..I have read a passege before I slept-1 Peter 4

Then, somehow.. I try to link this topic for my birthday.. Guess what?? this is the topic I get for myself..No matter is birthday or moody day, I should use my life and live for God- the will of God..

Who is the one worth enough for you to plan and do the preparation?? I guess..only because you love the person more than yourself only will take this step..

I'm thankful for last year, how you prepared to make this 1st and last celebration between you and me.. Thank you..

And I do, thank God for today, who prepare all things for me in bringing glory unto Him even a sinner like me.. May Your will be done in me..

Natural Colour After Rain - Rainbow

This taken when I was about leaving from Tesco Ampang..
Well, when I saw this, stilll raining but the colour of the Rainbow just get my attention as many poeple only carry umbrella and didn't realize about they above their head there is a beatiful rainbow.

You know..I love rainbow..I love the beauty of the nature and the colour. ^^
Somehow, rainbow is like a hope after a heavy raining day..
it also a promise of hope in Noah's day..
I do love to see rainbow but not often can witness this beauty of nature.

You know..once you appear like a rainbow..get my full attention and you just simply amazed me by your cheerful character..
However, you also appear like a rainbow..you only love in short while.. and then, disappear..
I really miss you as we getting far from each other by time..

Also through time, I begin learn to smile.. whatever it come to me but response by smile..
and sincerely smile for people around me to tell you that, "I'm fine."
And this smile become my mask in cover my scar..

Rainbow is just too beautiful for me..and same go to you..
I only can remain standing far and witness the beauty of rainbow..
if get near, I afraid I can't see it..and same go to you..
I only can remain standing far from you..by looking at you, I find joy in seeing you are heppy out there without me..I shall happy for you.. God make you shine bightly out there..
I shall happy for you.. for God make you as my rainbow in my life for that short while..
It is good enough..it is really good enough for me to have such a blessed beauty appear in my life even for that short moment only..

Part of my family member - meow meow

This one of my lovely pet call meow meow..

You know what is his (is a male) farvorite food or not?

I tell you lah..

1st..

He love durian..

he enjoy eat durian with us even sit together with among my family.

2nd..

He love cheesee..

when I bought cheesecake..he also want a small slice for himself.

3rd..

He love nasi lemak punya ikan bilis even got sambal..

4th..

He love to play with his friend-dinosaur, a soft toys..

what kind of soft toys..

as below picture..

he love even want to hug the toy and sleep..

but when he get angry then bully the dinosaur..

he try to kiss his friend

again, he want to kiss his friend...

Basketball at night

This was taken when I drop by Mobile field and saw a group of people playing basketball at night..almost midnight..

however, he also at there.. suppose I should run away from him..but, I'm happy for I can see him..

well, herewith some of the sport man making they body tired and sweat at night for their hobbies - basketball..

Face Mask

Recently, I quite busy in many fields..especially, self and work.. can say so not regular actively in serving the Lord. And I began have this habit in putting mask on my face.

My reason to post here not to tell you how terrible I am although many of time..I quite terrible..

but is to remind myself in try to not putting this mask in all place and situation.

Although this mask help me to cover my scar, make me look strong, comfort people around me and even so, many thought I already ok by let go of you including you also think like that..

but, I should thrown away this mask and let it heal by time. Right?? but it is very hard for me..

I can't help but to tell you, I'm fine.

I will do what I suppose to do and what I can do.

And I give it unto You

Every limitation we have can be seen as an invitation from God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. When we surrender, we don't just give up or play dead or wait for God to fix us. Instead, we become active participants with God in making a new path of hope toward healing. We drop our guard and give up our solitary and isolated to heal. We sincerely and humbly reach out to others who can help us restore our lives to spiritual vitality. Surrender is not passivity, nor is it resignation. Its motion requires an active and conscious turning toward God wherein we reflect our willingness to submit to His power by living out our new found truth and sharing it with others.
*from book "what have you got to lose?"

Surrender

Is a big word, you know??

my 1st stage is like this,

"What can I surrender to? "

"I have nothing and nothing I have to surrender."

Then, the next stage,

"I can't surrender it to you, Lord."

"It just too precious and too important to me."

=)

well, learn to smile a bit

Last time, I'm very afraid to sing "all to Jesus, I surrender.."

Do you know why??

"I find it very very hard and I'm not willing

by repeat saying, I rather lose all things but not this.

this is too important to me."

What I trying to say is,

Surrender it may not be a lose.

but the truth is

Lose the Burden of Control...Gain the Freedom of Surrender

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said,

"If anyone would come after me,

he must deny himself and take up

his cross amd follow me.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for me and

for the gospel will save it."

~Mark 8 :34-35~

It's still a happy things..

I have just read a book call "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE?"

and I get this book from Book Fest.

This book..not making me emo..

but, it's set up many challenge to me.

And below is some of my fields being challenge

Challenge 1# Becoming a Christian does not mean everything will immediately change. Real Life residue is present that must be processed out of our lives. And some realities like loss, temptation, and betrayal cause us to be anything but HAPPY.

I feel very touch for this author has been very strict and honest in bringing this call Life in a Christian. And being ABLE to experience all this loss and temptations, doesn't mean to pull me down, but is a process of being transform.

Recently, I have spend many time to look back my life (since brother Jen Ruw's leaving). And I have many great teacher in my life in sharing me all about life. One thing he shared to me is

"to know what is Life 1st we must know what is Death?"

And actually, I did always pray for change to more like Christ or to have more love and patient like Christ did or purify my heart to be like Christ so that I can see Your will..

I did so many of this kind of prayers in previous years even up right now.

And now..time to change..then, I found out it is so difficult, unwilling and too big for me..

it is a big challenge.

Challenge 2# Must accept to be perfect must allow God work in me and I can't do it alone although I "think" I can.

If can, open your bible and read John 8 : 32

Yes, certainly the Truth will set me free. But, somehow, I miss the point if I skip John 8 : 31

And this has challenge me is.. the Living Out Truth.. this says no selfish desires and requires an authentic life lived with others and before the Lord. The truth transforms us, but I have to COOPERATE during the process in order to look like Christ who does the transforming.

this thought will drive me crazy if I get this book in 4 or 5months ago..

But, to be fair to tell, I'm more willing to see the glory of God that God allow work through me.

May not be as big as grand and as great that in my imagination (because whatever happen also seem very big and serious,actually is me worry too much), but is just good enough for me to see the glory of God.

And above matter, I can't do it alone nor others can do to me, but God alone.

Because only He is ABLE.

I do able to see His glory in viewing through my life IF only I able to keep John 8:31.

At the end, when I look back, it's still a happy things for me to have you and Jesus in my life. =)

Quite Time : Matthew 19 :16-30

This is my quiet time before I went to youth on Saturday.

Matthew 19 : 16-30

The Rich Young Man

¹⁶Now a man came up to Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"

¹⁷"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, obey the commandments."

¹⁸"Which ones?" the man inquired.

Jesus replied, " 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, ¹⁹honor your father and mother, and 'love your neighbor as yourself."

²⁰"All these I have kept," the young man said. "What do I still lack?"

²¹Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

²²When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

²³Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. ²⁴Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

²⁵When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?"

²⁶Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

²⁷Peter answered him, "We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?"

²⁸Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. ²⁹And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. ³⁰But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

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What strike me the most

1st # in verse 16 & verse 21

the rich young man asked how to be good, but how come Jesus answered him by how to be perfect??

Then, to read on, Jesus not only want us to be good; but to be perfect in God's kingdom.

2nd # in verse 24 & verse 26

Jesus tell us that "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." then my question is..huh???like how??to make a large needle so that the camel can go through it??

No..I'm wrong..

then, to read on..Jesus answered is "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Actually, what we never thought of or what we keep thinking impossible, and God is able to make it possible by His mighty power just by believe.

Truly, I hope what it seem impossible for me, but God able to make a miracle in my life just at his right time.

Wedding : Wai Loon & Esther Liew

Mr.&Mrs.Yong

This is their wedding

so sweet, right?

Me & Esther

Me & Yvonne Yong

All this is my Sister in Christ

(Hannah, Kimberly, Myself, Annie and Hui Xin)

Group Jordan

10/9/2010..is not a day of Hari Raya..for myself, I don't have any of Raya feel also.

Because I only full with wedding feeling for

my brother and sister in Christ - Wai Loon & Esther Liew.

I'm happy for them from the bottom of my heart.

^^

Wedding..

call to be husband and wife..

is really not easy..

I know I'm not ready for it yet..

same go to you..

So..

If both of us is ready to enter this serious relationship

call to be husband and wife..

I hope is you..

Whatever it may be, the focus for me now is..

focus in God 1st..

right??

So, I will set aside this matter unto God.

Let God watch after you and me bah

although we are far from each other day by day..

Suddenly...

Suddenly..all our memory like video play back..

Suddenly..I miss you a lot...

And..suddenly..we are just as normal as others..

what more I should say???

I think..is this...

God is there for you and for me..

Isn't it precious?

Yes, it is very precious for me..

haih..really miss you a lot lot..

也有想过这样过生活的我

原以为，我终于可以拥有我们的时候....怎么...现在已不存在了...

看着朋友成双成对的, 结婚的,有梦想的,有依靠的...

在不久前,我也"以为"我可以拥有这一切..

我真的很似羡慕...

但凭我有限的能力,以上的一切都不会发生.

But, I do strongly believe, with God's power..all things is just possible in His hand at the right time.

Because my friend - Jesus even overcome death by raise from the death.

Thank you, Lord

Just about 4hours ago, my sister and my mother was suddenly disappear from house (that time I'm doing face mask in my room) However, I get to know my mum very sen fu in breathing so my sister didn't even tell me then straight bring my mum go to hospital.

By the time I know it, I....don't know what to do and make a prayer to God..Then, me and my brother straight go to hospital to find my mum.

And I saw my mum was in "Ruang Asma" and taking the medicine.

At that moment, I realize..I'm not a good daughter..as proved that I don't even know what had happened to my mum. I feel so guilty and ashamed to call myself daughter and sister.

However, I do glad God listen to my prayer and my mum is fine now.

I'm very thankful for I still can heard my mum talking to me while we all waiting for the checking and confirm by doctor. Suddenly..it become very precious for me.

Therefore, not to make myself regret and guilty again, mummy, I will love you with my all and prayer for you.

Monday

Today is my 1st day going out meet 6 clients, alone. And my planning was suck.

Since Saturday I begin to lost my voice. And today not only the planning schedule suck, then my body getting heat and now having fever. Although, since yesterday I ate my late lunch in presidium meeting, but, until now, I don't feel like eating anything but just drink milo.

Although things seems getting bad and worst for me, however, but I do pray for I can persevere on with God's strength in all difficulty that come to discourage me, make me struggle and make me feel pain for every moment I fall down..

I need to continue my sales report, then catch up my book reading and then rest early be prepare for tomorrow.

And I have a joyous news for myself, now I can tell you with fully acceptance in it : I finally have a close friend call Jesus.

Previous I can easily said it without mean it. But, today, I mean what I said. I have a friend name call Jesus.^^

How much I worth for you??

How much I worth for you?

Izit just a cup of Teh-O Ice Limau??

Izit just less than a gaming time??

Izit just about 3.30pm-6.30pm every single saturday??

Izit just a normal price like RM XXX.XX something??

So, How much I worth for you??

I would like to discover it.

This question has came to me quite sometime back when I get this question from my SDC Teacher - Steven Yam.

There was a true story happened in Jesus's time.

How much Jesus worth for Judah??

30pieces of silver coins.

Izit just 30 pcs of silver coins??

No.

Jesus only worth 29pcs of silver coin.

Because Judah betrayed Jesus when the offer is more than 29pcs silver coin

and the business deal.

How sad when I get to know this truth?

But the truth is, this matter also happened in my life

that I can just easily sell my God to satan with the cheap price.

I'm so sorry.

So, at the same time..

I wonder..how much I worth for you

as a sister?? as a friends??

as a partner of life??

How much more will you sell me out with your great price??

You have the answer with you right??

Then I question back myself,

How much God worth for me??

What is the value I tag for God??

..........................

God know my answer if He did listen to my prayer.

Something you won't bother

Hot..it is such a hot day in 2/9/2010 (Thursday)

I have traveled with my senior collegeous since 10.30am until 7.00pm in Cheras Batu 9 area, PJ Area, Subang Jaya area, Kota Komuning and Klang area.. until Subang area I already pening kepala and headache because of the sunshine and hot weather.

However, here is my point in writing this blog. I have cut my hair ^^

Ever since I rebonding, I have about 9-10months didn't care about my hair..even long enough to swept the table for every time I having meal.(some sister told me this)

I still remember you were saying to me long long time ago,"If you want to cut your hair, must ask me 1st yea. And don't cut too short yea."

Do you still remember this?? I guess, this is something you won't bother anymore. However, this is still a matter for me..Isn't it stupid for holding this? I'm sure whoever read until here will knock the head and said,:"haih..since you know it, why still holding it lah"

But, today I have cut my hair and I don't even get to ask anybody else.

And the hairstylist lady (very leng lui oh, I can't stop looking at her for few times ^^) saying I have a very healthy hair and good looking hair..and encourage me to keep it as pure as I want (just because I never color my hair and it mark out so much different of the healthy hair.)

So, for you who won't bother me anymore, and I will do the very same to you..

Because I know God care for me even He know the numbers of my hairs; and you are just a person who saying you don't know how to appreciated me..

I'm glad I have a God who care for me; but, at the same time, I'm upset for I'm just no value in your eyes.

Conclusion : complicated~~(sister, pls allow me to emo at least..today) thanks..

Isn't seem an important matter in you

As you can see, I have consistently in train myself in so call healthy practice which is book reading.
Yes, with no doubt, I begin learn to read more and learn to develop in this act as well.

As usual, today I also spend time in reading on Lee Strobel's book - God's Outrageous Claims

In this book, Lee Strobel has been worked as an newspapers reporter. Therefore, the way he present the sentence and the terms in using words is kind of proper, and it challenge me in patiently explore the meaning by checking my dictionary. Another kind of learning level for me.

In this book, Lee Strobel has set a challenge in 1st chapter about Freedom in forgiving your enemies and Learn to forgive yourself in 2nd chapter.

Well, in 1st chapter, who is your enemy??? I don't have the name at 1st..However, I have a name in my mind now..then, I ask again, "really is my enemy??are you sure?" Yes, with no doubt, this name is my enemy that I really don't know how to treat this person in a way I suppose to behave.

However, I would like to share some great words within this 2 chapter that I have gain.

Chapter 1
Choosing to forgive instead of hate can turn out to be one of our greatest blessings in disguise-if we understand how this extraordinary principles works.

Those who developed forgiving attitudes toward their enemies were able to rebuild their lives despite their injuries. But the patients who were steeped in bitterness remained invalids.

But when we choose instead to see them from the perspective of their value to God, we begin to recognize that they have supreme worth because they bear God's image, even though it's distorted and obscured by sin.

When we start seeing them as people who matter to God, they begin to matter more to us.

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in Chapter 2
Your sin can never be so great that it would disqualify you from your Father's forgiveness.

All throughout history, the size of people's sin has never been the issue with God; the issue has always been whether people were willing to humble themselves and come clean with him about their guilt.

The wounds of your past remain open because you haven't tried to heal them through making things right with whomever you've wronged.

Regrets. Self-directed anger. An inability to forgive ourselves for what we've done or failed to do. These can haunt us or even consume us-but as we've seen, there is genuine hope through Jesus Christ.

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Until here, then I realize, somehow the wrongdoing person never ask me for forgiveness one woh?? why ah??? I also wonder why.

If we christian receive forgiveness from God so that we may practice the same to others as well. But, somehow, why forgiveness just seem not an important matter for you ah??? Izit really not an important issue to talk to??

I don't know why, I feel like want to cry but no tears come out..and I'm glad Irene do ask me join for cell group. So, my mind just stop thinking at that part lah..

What can make me cry it out rather than keep it in my heart??
because..it is very...painful...