A smile with Understanding

Many of time we are in showing the negative emotion whenever we can't understand it or can't accept it.

But, if is with the right understanding, it will make you smile..

As I don't know what is in God's mind (and no one will know), but, somehow, I think...God is a Great Joker..and He like jokes and He enjoy share His jokes with His children including you and me.

Therefore, a smile with an understanding make me discover, God like jokes too...

wahahahahhaha...

I shall give thanks for whatever it is for I know God is smiling and happy to know, we understand His jokes ^^

Right??

I hope I'm right..wahahhaahhaa...

It is so full

Time pass by very fast as in now already 30th December =)

well, my schedule for past few days is like this

23th Dec - Work and Christmas shopping but sleep at 12am.

24th Dec - work and last Christmas shopping with Nicholas then Christmas Eve dinner in John Low's house with all Amp then count down in church until 12.15am then wrapped gift until 3.30am

25th Dec - Christmas services at 10.30am then stay back for practice then until Immiscible performance then go makan then fetch Michael and Xiao Jun home and we chat until late night around 1am only reach home.

26th Dec - Sunday worship then girls camp then we ate steamboat and we sing a lots of song and we have fun and fellowship but around 11pm I already KO on bed and sleep.

27th Dec - most early person woke up to make breakfast with Connie Hong Shi XD then cooked lunch and take a lots of picture then BBQ set up and have fun with all girls with a games call Murderer.

28th Dec - most early person woke up at morning together with Connie Hong Shi and I drove back to town to get Breakfast which is Nasi Lemak. However, half way my tyre pancit and make me have to change the tyre by own. With a prayer, God sent His angel to help..some more is a leng cai but too bad is a Malay guy...then we manage get the breakfast and when we reach Sg.Congkak again, all girls still in dream =.= then we leave camp site and go home and get 4hours nap then sms with an idiot until 5.30am

29th Dec - 7.30am woke up and prepare for work and I need to travel to Shah Alam and Klang. And I manage get some free time to shopping in Leisure Mall and guess what, I get to buy few book to read..I'm so excited for it. then dinner at home and continue my report for work. Some how, I forgot I need to attend a meeting and I get a call and I ran and rushing to the meeting..the feeling is just so back for forget such important meeting..haih..fan shu... i mean myself.

30th Dec - still have another 5hours for sunrise, so not sure yet.

Basically my life for pass few day is only like this. Although is so full until not enough sleep, but, I do enjoyed so much for all this.

Most important is, the TRUE meaning of Christmas... I'm appreciate for the ONE who give up so much to come to me and said I forgive you and I love you, my Lord Jesus.

No one will do this for me but only the Lord Jesus Christ. =)

Immiscible

Immiscible..simply mean something cannot be mix

This is the title theme for this year Petra Christmas Sketch. Throughout the practices and the performance in Termeloh, I found that, I really enjoyed it so so much.

Get to learn to sing,

Get to learn to act,

Get to learn to speak English correctly in stage,

Get to learn how to be creative,

Get to learn what is professional in acting,

Get to learn how to be confidence with the task that given,

Get to learn to work with different type of people,

Get to learn to bear with one another with love and care,

Get to learn to improve myself in many ways..

For me, thsi year Christmas is much much more different and special if compare with previous years. This year is more meaningful. The reason why I said more meaningful is because I get to experience and knowo how to appreciate more all about Life. Is not only feeling to live for my life, but is living for the Life that God want.

I'm very thankful for who I am now, for this make me ordinary in your sight, but, is extraordinary in God's sight..I guess so...hahahahaha XD

I miss youth T.T

Today is Youth Christmas Party....and i get to call to AMP room to help out for Sunday School work... then, I realize, I cannot stick in youth joh..

it make me so....sad...feel like wanna cry...

I miss my time in youth...

I miss my member always kacau me but joke around me..

I miss my time when we can go makan together then fetch member home and have a fruitful chit chat...

I miss all this....

But, I guess...I can learn alot form AMP people like yow looi, ada, wai yee...and many...

I think God want me to learn also..^^

So, I will learn well there..

Okay, let's cheer...

But, sad that...cannot shout cheer together as one group joh....

arhhhhhhh......

I miss Youth...................

I have done this

I received a letter from one of the Youth Program call Resolution 2010..I get back what I have wrote down to achieve in 2010..

Guess what??? I think... I have done it.

What I wrote down during 2009 was : to continue and have more love for God's people..

When I read it..I just remember, I have forgave you and willing accept you again.. But you are not..

Whatever it is, I'm glad..I'm glad I did it..

if not, I think.. I'll be ashame for I didn't achieve anything that bring value to count..

I think...I'm just a fool

I have been writing over and over again and again about my broken relationship although it has already pass for 8months..haih..8months already...

I guess..weren't you that make me like a fool..

is....my problem..I just making myself look like a fool.

ever since I choose to commit my love to you..

ever since I choose to hurt myself by waiting with false hope..

ever since I choose to hold on with what I want..

In the process, I have received hundred of cares and thousand of solid advice for me..but, all I keep it out of my heart..

I did not seriously take it into heart...

Again, I choose to be a fool again...

haih..izzit because of my sir name??? I doubt although this doesn't relate to this.

and surely, I hate being play like a fool..but, I myself choose to fall into like a fool..

hahahahaha...now...I look at myself and I just can laugh...

"what had happened to you, my dear?" and I only can laugh..then tears drop again...haih...

Only a fool fools with sins.

Therefore, in Ephesians 5 :15-17

Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is.

So...do not be foolish but understand what the Lord's will is... Can I understand now???

I think, I need to open my heart and get back those stuffs I put at out of my heart all this while for all this is God's work for me..all the encouragement and cares...

If this is the will of God, I'm happy that I can be a tool to help you grown..but, I'm sad for I'm just a fool in love...haih...

I pray and give thanks for the Lord, for His has provide me a chance to grown although it tough. And He has give His BEST for me though His BEST is totally different with my BEST..for He know better than I do.

=)

Now..is my turn...

I think...what I doing now is only bring hurt to you...

Haih....

I lost something precious for me also...

His BEST for me

Get to know a lot of your hidden stuffs as the time goes by..all slowly appear to me..

and get to know you are with someone else.. oh..how great you are there..happy, enjoying the sweetness, think of her every single minutes and wanted to be with her every single moment, right???

all this I know..I know...

haih...why must be in this kind of situation?? again??? why????

when I was so frustrated in driving my car heading toward to klang to meet my customer... I just can't help but stop my car at the side and began to prayed.. I got no other way but only God's way to go.

After prayer, this is what came into my mind.. if this is the situation, I think...His has gave me His BEST for me, though His BEST is totally not the same with my BEST..but, I'm thankful for He know me better than I.. Therefore, this is the situation I have, and I will choose to go far away from you both..so that I can be normal again..

Haih...This year...is really a year make me so tired...very tired..I hope I can be at home soon..

time to catch some rest..good night.

If you worry for me, the only thing you can do for me is to keep silent..I appreciate with your silent care and support..thank you.

Now..you're dead...

If you know what is happen for my life all this while, you will know clearly what I trying to said here.

You're dead now, Kayson Phua..
You may clap, dance, happy over for this.. I guess you will just not bother.. For you already fill your heart with a little girl you have.

I'm very angry...I'm so angry why God want use me to help you grown to let you love other girl but not me. I can't understand now.It's really make me like a fool.. haih..but, I believe this is part of His will..

So much hatred, anger, tears, unwilling, disappointment and even being betrayed... what can I said with all this.. thank you?? or you fan shu that do wrong and leave by saying sorry and just don't know how to appreciate me???

Your name is mean bring joy to people, but your deeds is only bring hurt and tears for people around you..perhaps only me...

As you said, you are just selfish donkey..haih...

After all this, I already begin my walk with Philippians 2:13, and I shall end my love for you here..for your love is dead and no longer mine but others.

The right way to love

Get to know something about next year..and I think..this is God's way to answering my prayer.

To love you meaning to stop love you now..

You can live better without me,

you can be a better person without knowing me,

you don't need me,

and God just use me to help you grown..i guess..

as we won't meet each other that often, I think..my love for you will die just in short prior of time..

so much so much tak sampai hati, but have to put down..

this gonna make my tears drop again...haih....

Why can't trust me again??? or am i make you confuse???

haih...after this, I will just strike on in what is right to do for God..and it will be a big change for me..

Once I change, I will never come back to you..

I gotto announce to you, I no longer standing at the same place to wait for you anymore...for you won't come back to me anymore...and I will just continue to walk..alone...with smile.. =)

alright, it's enough for me.. I need a quiet place for me..to cry out loud..

make it a last one..a last one..

1st Time experience in Hospital

My doctor call Mr.Sushil

XD

This is Oxygen. I take this when I found it hard to breathe

Well, now only have sometime to upload what I have for my recent life.

Well, again is blessed one, fruitful one, also a busy one..=)

Recently I admit into hospital because of tercekik of small piece of chicken bone..that cause me admit into hospital from midnight 2.30am until 11am..and it just make my throat so pain and I hardly take breathe eventually I need to admit into hospital..well, in hospital, I have experience take X-ray, alone in hospital more than 10hours and get many injection just within few hours...most scary part for me is injection and yet alone..want to cry also alone..T.T

However, when I tercekik, you were there watching..when I admit into hospital, you are the only number I can ever remember.. I can't even remember my family's contact number..what a bad daughter I am...hahahaha..sorry..

after doctor said I can discharges, I just can't wait go back to church and continue what I suppose to be but not laid in hospital or bed for rest..because the only hurt i can is my throat..so, i went back to Church at 12pm to continue the SDC class debate. Ever many have come and ask me how am I and so one...Ever you did not approach me as other did..somehow, I know you are worry..hmm..worry as a brother care for a sister..I guess, you will answer this way..just a guess..

However, this few day I really sleepless and this few day, I received a lot of cares and warning to warn me eat slowly..but, the most warmest(i personally found that) is your worry and care for me..it have been so long that I did not received your care for me..sometime I will just ask, izzit because you don't know or you don't care or you know but don't care...But through this incident, I'm comfort with your silent care for me..you make me miss you again..

However, now then I have recover alot. I can eat but slowly, I can drink but slowly, I can talk but not scold...so, consider recover a lot...thanks for many prayers and care for me.. =)