原来....

原来我是

很痛恨那些玩弄感情的男人

很讨厌那些把别人的关心当玩笑来娱乐开玩笑

很痛恨欺骗我

很痛恨被背叛

很痛恨人愚弄我

我很顶不顺...因为这一切只会令我想起过去...

:'(

Laziness

Laziness...ruin my day with all kinds of excuse
Laziness...kill me from being unproductive

Laziness...just make doing things that I hope to do..wish is lazy but nothing..

haih...
time to move on and run with perseverance and love.

Issue of Life : Financial

There always a life issue in each of us.

However, in my young age, i think my bigger cause to my mum is lack of wisdom and self-control in manage money.

I feel so much guilty for my mum to make her worry and stress over myself while I already in the ages should be independence to handle about life. But, I fail it.

Financial problem was and is the bigger problem in my house. I was never good in manage money. I was never in spending wise in money or even worst, time.

haih...

so much disappointment and struggle and heart break over in house.

And I pray that I will change from it so that I can bring a happy and comfortable life for my family and people around me. And I want to learn this up so that in future I will able to handle this kind of issue.

Even More Fruiful

It is finish...

Yessss..... It has been a long run marathon even since after Marcus's wedding until now.

Time is flying with high speed. The most heavy part now has come to and end.

From every single moment that i do for the life that i have, I do it with what i can.
It was a long process to set up and put up the deco for survivor;

It was a restless night after survivor and join for devotional night;

It was a long duty night to prepare for outreach night until it finish with clean up;

It was a headache day and night to work in a good company with bad management;

It was a restless night in running many round to buy stuffs for family camp even during Deepavali Holiday;

It was another restless night in helping youth for Carnival and doing advance preparation for family camp;

It was a rushing day to know not enough space to transport stuffs to camp while still need to fetch people from one point to another point;

It was a tiring journey to travel far from deep forest to small town and small town back to deep forest just to buy enough food for all campers;

It was a sleepless night for so much of last minute changing things in camp;

It was a tiring night from morning until supper also need to prepare food in a DIY open kitchen;

It was a long journey to travel back with exhausted body for about 4-5hours;

It was a fruitful moment for every step I lay down with a mark of love for the Church members;

It was my privilege to do things that able to examine myself what I need to improve with;

It was my privilege in giving what I received from the Lord that in benefit back Lord's people;
It was my privilege to have what I don't deserve in Life- Jesus Christ.

For Jesus is the only reason for me to do and not to do. Therefore, I'm thankful for all the support and love and care and guidance and encouragement and gentle reminder from each of you throughout the time to allow me to grow.

In order for me to tell what it is in my life, I only can tell you, I have gone through from And Yet I live to Even More Fruitful with much love and joy.

I do pray, may all this be pleasing unto the Lord.

October month

I don't want do big things just to make me look good or better.
I just want to do things that will please the Lord.

Reason why I said this because this month I do have so many things with me.
And I do have this sleepless night and stressful mind. With above statement, is to remind me of the very basic reason why I do so even with sleepless night.

But after yesterday outreach night, I do began to tasted the verse of Philippians 4:13.
I can do everything through Christ who give me strength. Such an encouragement for me.

Well well, beside on my services in church. My work also stressful but result not bad, because I able to hit my target for this month. Give thanks for it.

In family, mum still not happy about me over involved in food preparation and kitchen work. However, plan to have a great shopping with Mun when I get my money and my salary.

Personally, abit down to know that he will never return to me anymore.
Although is sad, but, gotto accept it. Haih..

I just want to do simple things for life, but, why can't I get the simple request that I want?



Even is sad, I will not put down my commitment to the Lord. Even so, I want to add on my value in Christ. So that next year de me will better that this year de me.

Keep calm and carry on.

Not a big deal

It was his birthday. Even after my birthday was thinking should I buy a gift for him or shouldn't?
Should I pretend don't know or just react whatever it come?
Should I recall those memory in last 2 years ago?

At the end, I didn't say my wish to him face to face due to no chance.
Unable SMS to him, because phone got problem.
Call him but didn't pick up call, may be busy or asleep already.
I did nothing for him. Because it not a big deal for me anymore.
Well, it simply mean, not so important anymore.

Therefore, the only thing I did is post a wish in facebook and commit him unto the Lord.

I realize, I'm happy for who I am now. I do really enjoy everything I have. Whether time, money, gift, work, and people.

If without this experience with you, I will not draw closer to God.
If without this experience with you, I will not be the one God want me to be, not the one you want me to be.

I'm grateful and thankful for what I have now, where I am now and who I am now.
And I do cherish who you really are in my life, my ex-bf .... hahahahaha X)

If you are reading my blog, Blessed Birthday to you. And I'm happy to know you grown stronger and closer to the Lord =)

it change you and me

Things will change when Love come in.

Love not only change your perspective, both parties relationship, also your attitude in handle life issue.
Most amazing part is, Love change you and me to be more Christlike, not look alike with Christ.

It change you and me

A word call Lonely

I discover few things from myself.

I have no one can be with me when I feel horrible lonely.

I don't feel like to meet anyone when I feel lonely.

I will try to fill in whatever it may be just to replace or kick away the feeling call lonely.

I will just simply lost focus whenever I feel lonely.

And lonely just make me being selfish by wanted so much people's care and to feel the value of important of someone.

The amazing part is, God like to put me to be alone and lonely so that I can just focus on Him.

Indeed, now I feel lonely and discourage for what I to do when people just don't know how to appreciate me. What I need is God and everyone. If I only need God, what for I do things for you, just do for God then enough loh? But God said, if you love me, you will also love your brother and by this all man will know that you are my disciple.

Haih.. I also can't understand what will the prophet do when they get rejected and no friend nobody want to listen their speak of the msg of God?

What will Jesus do when he face discourage?

I think..i need time to find and mediated on what does bible said about discouragement and how to handle it.. but, when I think until here, my mind already tired and...want to sleep..

我为我的脸感到很自卑...

It make me laugh

Yesterday, I have received an unknown number sms by asking me "sin huey, how are you?"

then, I only found out it was Annie Yong.

A long last member cum sister that encouraged me so much about a sincere heart.

And we continue chat on through sms each other.

Until a sms, she asked me this, "how is you and kayson phua?" @@

When I read this, and I laugh.. hahahahaha..
It so funny.

I didn't feel any sad or cry or anything bad. The feeling is just like...

oh well... we are friend now, izin't it?

Once, this kind of question can make me cry very badly.

But, now, it make me laugh.

=D

I think..is time to turn to a sunning day with beautiful rainbow. =)

My Birthday Cake

This year, a bit special year for me. A year without a cake throughout my birthday.
If you said I don't really bother, ehmmm... at the end, it trouble me, how can I birthday and without a cake?

Therefore, I went to "king's" bakery shop which just passby and bought a slice of cheese cake for my own.

However, it not only taste no cheese some more expensive. I have no idea whether I should angry or should I cry for even my birthday cake also bully me. T.T

And for coming year of my birthday, I better prepare gift that I want, cake that I like and time that I would like to spend with.

By the way, I have dinner with Amy Pooi, Lee Rou Sang, Henri Ong, Nicholas Kim, Darren Sim and Dorcas Sim at FUN OK cafe a week ahead before my birthday due to my birthday also is outreach night.

Then, I received a rose. haih....

Then, I received many many many wishes over facebook and face-to-face wish, and some from sms.

Then, busy in kitchen for outreach night.

Then, I received a gift from Yvonne after outreach night over. Which is Starbuck Tumbler.

Thanks for the heart for me from an expecting mummy Yvonne ^^

Then, at night with dead body and still get "lecture" by someone.

Then, this morning get fever and unable go to work. Dizzy and sleep and sleep with empty stomach.

Then, just now I had a simple dinner with family and shopping at tesco extra then bought a..not sure how long the cake it keep in the fridge de cheesecake.. sad for it.

And, that's the end of my 24th birthday.

The Ugly Me

Birthday doesn't mean need to be perfect and everything went well and smooth.
Birthday doesn't mean need to have many gift.
Birthday doesn't mean need to have a cake that I like. I don't even have a slice of cake also.
By the way, I have more that 60 wishes from facebook and 20 over face-to-face wishes.

That's good enough.

But, Birthday is a day I know He has created me with His purpose.
And His purpose is simple, just to like Christ.

While I still living in this body call flesh, sin can just easily attack and make me fall.
sound sad and weird to mention on birthday day, right?

Well, the ugly me is this, someone ask me to look at mirror and saying I'M WRONG in somewhere and change it.

I did very very angry for this particular person just like to ruin and mess up my day just don't know how to said the right things at the right time?
Do you need to bring this issue after a long and heavy weekend and on my birthday?

However, after I spend about night keep thinking, the most ugly part of me is the most hardest part to accept. And I just don't know who can I talk to beside Jesus.

I must confess, I'm wrong.

I must admit, I don't know how to control myself even just a small part like tongue.

I must change, from the way I living now.

In order for you confuse what am I talking about, my problem now is my Big Mouth attitude.

Just simply talk talk talk talk without pakai otak and discourage and stumble people.

Pray for me, so that the Spirit of God make change me in control my tongue.

All the services I do in church or in people life is so that God may feel please. Obviously, this doesn't pleased at all, and the ugly part review and now, time to change.

And this is my ow set problem.

I'm happy ^^

I'm happy for I have truly understand and accept for my broken relationship.

For I find peace...not sure is in storm or not in storm.

But, surely, I have peace when I have Jesus with me.

Most important part is, Focus and pay attention in Listen His Word.

I'm happy for I'm release from this bitterness.

I'm happy for what I have and what I do not have for this I truly know the purpose to have and purpose not to have that make me who I am now. ^^

Therefore, I'm thankful for all this years I have so many brothers and sisters, especially sister who spend so much time in talking and comfort me.

Now your time did not go in vain, but, time for harvest with joy and thankfulness.

I pray, I can become a better person and better Christian while I still have time living in this place call earth.

=)

一夜长大

我不曾想过,我会有这么短暂但深刻的感情...

终是以为我们彼此可以在感情里慢慢学习,一起长大...

不过, 并不是的这样.... 叹气....干嘛又会回味过去呢？

我也不知道为何还回想过去... 不过我真的很....怀念我们的过去....

梁静茹 《一夜长大》

末班车回家,雨一直下. 整夜忍的泪,它不听话. 我不想去擦,就这样吧! 爱让这女孩,一夜长大,一夜长大. 想要说的话,竟然忘了啊! 我总是很少说,不懂得表达. 分手我不怕,你知道吗? 你知道的啊!只是.... 那几乎成真,我们的家,你真的不想吗? 那这些年的专心无猜,你只当我是朋友吗? 我以为雨声会遮住你的回答,它却那么清楚啊! 让这个你曾深爱的女孩,一夜长大. 原因一定很多,就随你吧! 究竟为什么,我不管它. 分手我不怕,你知道吗? 你知道了吧!只是.... 那几乎成真,我们的家,你再也不想吗. 那这些年的专心无猜,当朋友都不好吗? 我多想雨中听不清你的回答,它却那么清楚啊! 让这个你曾深爱的女孩,一夜长大. 那几乎成真,我们的家,你从此不想吗? 那这些年的专心无猜,你只当我是朋友吗? 我以为雨中听不见你的回答,它却那么清楚啊! 让这个你曾深爱的女孩,一夜长大,一夜长大,一夜长大

I have a guest this afternoon..

When I came back form work,

I found him asleep at parking area and

I have so call "invited" by catch him and bring back to my house.

Then I feed him. He is so cute..

What a happy afternoon I have with my guest ^^

狼吞虎咽到不顾旁人的眼光拼命的在扒饭...

记得

我的东西还没整理好,却听见这首歌...

我还是会不自觉的回想起过去. 到底什么时候才会没有你的影子出现在这残酷的回忆?? 

谁还记得...谁还会记得虾米回忆呢??过了太久,大概也没人记得,就连你也不会记得,你说过的..

='( 叹气...

我也...应该是...适而可止....

记得

誰還記得是誰先說　永遠的愛我　

以前的一句話是我們　以後的傷口 

過了太久沒人記得　當初那些溫柔　

我和你手牽手說要一起　走到最後  

我們都忘了　這條路走了多久　

心中是清楚的　有一天　有一天都會停的 

讓時間說真話　雖然我也害怕　

在天黑了以後　我們都不知道　

會不會有以後  

我們都累了　卻沒辦法往回走　

兩顆心都迷惑　怎麼說　怎麼說都沒有救 

親愛的為什麼　也許你也不懂　

兩個相愛的人　等著對方先說　

想分開的理由  

誰還記得愛情開始變化的時候　我和你的眼中看見了　

不同的天空 走得太遠終於走到　分岔路的路口　

是不是你和我　要有兩個　相反的夢 

誰還記得是誰先說　永遠的愛我　

以前的一句話是我們　以後的傷口 

過了太久沒人記得　當初那些溫柔　

我和你手牽手說要一起　走到最後 

我和你手牽手說要一起　走到最後

It always happen when I about to sleep..

missing of you..

haih...

很多时候,我....觉得........我............是个很奇怪的人...
haih....

A day in KLCC

This is my 5th day of my holiday...

Visit Aquaria in KLCC together with

Samantha Chang

Kenneth Phua

some animals we seldom/unable to see in our country forest,

or only able see it through tv,

now all actively living in Aquaria KLCC.

I have a nice trip with Samantha and Kenneth. =)

We should have another outing like this kind on next holiday.

Amp Excursion 30/8 - 1/9

2nd day, 3rd day and 4th day of my holiday,

I spent in Genting with many amps and councils people

we have steamboat together,

we have many board games together,

we have werewolf together,

we have barbecue together,

we have babies crying together (oh my goodness),

we have workshop together,

we go Genting starbuck-ing together,

we joke,

we laugh,

we nap,

we relax,

we enjoy all together.

I do learnt something else from the workshop lead

by Adam to discover who are they we work together as a team.

It really amaze and wonderfully discover one another.

Some picture i took before i leave.

A night in Sg.Congkak

1st day holiday

I spend in jungle with Group Barnabas

we barbecue,

we play candle games,

we play captain ball,

we cook,

we boil water,

without well preparation, I stay a night in a nice house also

cold until I freeze ><

And next day morning,

my car dead because of battery problem.

While Yuke Bin, Boon Loong & Khai Siang

helping me charging my car battery,

herewith few picture I took before I depart from the jungle.

I took all this at 7.15am

Then, rush back home pack stuffs and nap for an hour

then go to Genting for Amp Excursion.

That is my 2nd day of holiday.

Our Da Bao's birthday celebration

Oh well, this is the day

this is the day

of his birthday..

our Big Bao among 5 of us...heheh XD

itu dia, orang yang menyembut hari jadi dia.

great pose of the day.

><

(picture by Lee Rou Sang)

><

while mother amy order food for us,
we take picture in Zanmai

(Picture also by Lee Rou Sang)
><

after that, we all go pavilion
walk walk Tokyo Street
and having great ice-cream time
^^

the Reason

Yesterday, I went to Sungai Gabai with group Timothy and group Aquila. I did enjoyed as much as I had with one another.

At very 1st place, I don't really want to go. I was tried to think of some reasonable reason to avoid it. However, this voice came to me and said," You shall not avoid this because of them then you are not joining nor because of them then you are going just to spy them. NO."

And I come to this stage to understand, they are not the reason for everything I do or done.

It is because of Christ, the Head of the church and the church, that make me do so.

There's always a reason for a choice.

However, they are not my reason to do or not to do. Jesus is my only reason to do and not to do. To look at where I am now, who I am now, how I have change now whether good or bad, it is not because of anybody else, but just alone because of Jesus Christ.

Although I miss him when I feel lonely, but, it just a temporary. And I'm glad it just a temporary feeling. Indeed, it getting short and short.

Therefore, as I walk with the Lord, I pray and I pray and pray again, at the end, my Lord will be please even with the ordinary I have, for He is my only reason to live and to die.

I will strike on toward to the Heavenly goal. I pray that you too will do the same.
=)

Does Anybody Hear Her

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

I get to know this song from a performance in Easter 2011 performed by MAD Team.

What a song that speak so much about me.... haih..

I hope to have this

Ever since form 3, I don't really have a sport shoes for my own.

and i saw this in facebook, I really hope to have this sport shoes.
but, it too expensive until .... i just can hope for it..

A sense of Lost

This picture I took it from Jen Ruw's room, on the wall, he put some note.

despite the note, the drawing and the creativity really make him

live a full life in this temporary home.

5th of August, a remarkable date for me to always remember, I knew a brother in Christ and he has gone back to where he belong to.

In the remembrance service of Jen Ruw, Yow looi shared this, now we feel so much about lost it is because we have it before.

I try to look around, what I had before and what I had lost and what I have now...

Yes, indeed, I had so much un-needed stuffs, and I thought it a gain but.... lost.
And now, whatever I have or I don't have, it always a sense of whether I need it and whether I belong to it or not.

Jesus is mean so much for me. And He is the only reason for me to stay even I once was in deep hurt and pain. And yet He lead me through, and yet I live. Meaning, you still able to see me in church serving with my very best.

God has a great mission for Jen Ruw even after his death. I pray and I pray, one day he will able to meet his parent and his brother at where he is now.

:')

When I was driving back home from JR's house, this song just come my mind, Come what may..

Thank you Lord for showing me where to go in finding you to be with you.
I will love you until my dying day, my Lord.

Oh well....

When I look at your picture, I still miss your face... haih..

oh my goodness...

Hold me by Jamie Grace

Each time i listen this song, I do enjoy it very very much.

I hope to sing like Jamie Grace..hehe ^^

叹气....

挫折的感觉, 心情糟透了... 只想好好沉睡而没人烦我...
唉~~~~ 生命可贵在哪？要是做sales要欺骗,损人利己只求利润...
你是我的上司我也看不起你....我忍多你一下...

WhY???

Why you want to ignore me?????

百事不得其解...

haih....

The Gift

Ephesians 2:8-9

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.

This is today worship theme that lead by brother Ernest. I felt so encouraged and feel touching when I heard few brothers that share in worship with their Spirit in pointing me to God. With those sincere and mature sharing, make my tears drop silently.

Sometime, I do not prepare for worship in Spirit and in truth with some funny kinds of excuses I can think off. I also easy to fail. However, I do looking forward for every time being serious in worship and in leading a chairing session. Because I find it a time for refreshing my soul and my direction in life, and I do want to worship the Lord with my heart, my soul and my love for Him.
It is because of Christ, I'm here to worship God.

A gift, that describe is only freely give by someone who thought of you;

A gift, that make you special for someone;

A gift, that is free for you but never for the one that give the gift;

A gift, that talk about your choice for someone or some occasion;

A gift, that value count and mean for you;

A gift, that is no season nor a reason for gift if we love that person;

A gift, that usually we don't deserve it.

But God has a gift for me, He send His Son to died for me and save me from sin and give me this call eternal life. The problem is, I don't deserve it. Who am I to get this gift from God?? A sinner like me??? But, it is just that simple, because He love me, and now this gift have given unto me.

However, Steven Yam did mention something that inspired me, which is the timing of gift.

Romans 5:6-8

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

God's timing always right. A time for everything.(Ecclesiastes 3:1)

And God's purpose always just come on time. Never early nor late.

Same goes to God's gift.

And this remind me of a song,

"in His time, in His time, He make all things beautiful in His time."

And we are the reason, that my Father in Heaven has prepare His greatest gift for me, His son-Lord Jesus Christ. I'm not sure how much it touched you, but, I do.


I'm grateful for I get to received this gift from God and knowing how great is Your love for me in sustain me this ordinary people in this temporary world I'm in.

I couldn't stand and worship the Lord as like brothers, but, with my heart, I worship you with what I have and what I don't have, silently.

Thank you, Lord.

I know You're there

If all I had was one last breath
I'd spend it just to sing Your praise
Just to say Your name
If all I had was one last prayer
I'd pray it 'cause I know You're always listening
If I could live a thousand lives, bind the hands of time
I would spend every moment by Your side

'cause I, I know You're there, I know You see me
You're the air I breathe
You are the ground beneath me
I know You're there, I know You hear me
I can find You anywhere

If all I had was one more song to sing
I would raise my voice to make the heavens ring
If all I had was one last chance, I'd take it
I would stake it all on You

If I could raise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye
I would make them believe
What I feel inside

If I could live a thousand lives and bind the hands of time
If I could rise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye

I know You're there
I know You're there
I know You're there, You're there

the invisible one, but I know You are there.
You are not that far, because I know you living in my heart.
My Master, My Lord and My Savior.

你们是否丧失了最基本的人性？你们是这样对待你身边的人吗？
给你们的下一代知道的话，简直丢面死了..还值得令人尊重吗？
拜托...(叹气)

简直火都来...

不愿意的时候

最近,因为好友的不愉快，使得我在交谈当中也使得我领悟到，
不是我不知道什么是对的事。

不管，我讨厌的人对我做了什么，那管家人朋友如何劝我忘记过去，
我忘不了，我放不下，我原谅不到，更不需要说接受成为友人.
对我所作的一切，所有的背叛，欺骗，愚弄，委屈，不甘愿。。
无法原谅。。也不应该得到原谅。。

只是，只要我是神的儿女，我一天是基督徒，就得爱。

神，要我爱我的友人，也要爱我的敌人。
这不是我可以选择的决定，而是神给的吩咐.
我就只有一个敌人，恶魔与罪行。

在神的国度，没有永远的敌人。
终有一天，我会原谅，
终有一天，我会接受。

神要得不是只会光说而不行动证明的我。
所以，我极不管他们，也不看其他的，只专注看着神而往前走去。
这使得我在不愿意的时候学会的self-control, concentrate, discipline and

how to please the Lord especially in struggle and trials....
也在侍奉的路途当中获益不浅... =)

所以，为我的好友感到无助,

我只可以为她祷告，不再计较，不再倔强，
为永恒的价值做出神要她学会的事。
会是一堂很要命也很艰难的一课，不过，
只要学会了，这堂课就不再那么难了。

Q & A session

We always good in putting aside what we don't like to look at and will not turn into it.
but, it is because i choose not to see you, then i can focus my mind in the Lord again and again.

Am i doing the right thing??


I have ask this in 30 mins ago, but I have the answer in just a short update from fb.

Panic make you sink into deep water of worries..

so, by looking at Jesus, then you can walk on water again..

How i judge my decision is right or wrong? I don't know with what that make me right nor wrong. But, I only know, I found peace, when I just focus my eyes, my mindset and my intention of love unto Jesus. I found peace. His the one that allow me walk on water just like He do with just one request. Looking at Him and follow Him.

I need not to worry what if in 2years time, i still love the guys as i did in 2 years back.. or what if i get hurt from the same scar over and over again..

I have the answer, I need not to worry anymore for I found peace in give my full view to Christ and let Him led.

Let me give thanks with my heart.
Let me worship you with my all.

Thank you, Lord, for your comfort for me.

An Assignment....

Get an individual assignment from SDC Class with title

"Have you ever change the way you think after you have become a Christian?"

And Steven has quoted this before the class end.
The best way to grow is to look back your life.

Well, I don't dare to say I didn't change.

Indeed, I'm different from 10 years back or 5 years back.
How much do I really change???

To be honest, I don't know how to measure it.

Except one thing, I know, is through our picture then we know, how much we're changed.
But, it only outlook appearance.

I still in discovering how much I have change my thinking ever since I truly be a Christian.

Let me have a checklist then only I know, whether I'm changing to good or worst than before..

That's all I ask for now..

All I need is only stay focus..

do not look at left or right.

but only look up to God.

Just stay focus in God.

And let's not be distraction for one another that working hard for the Lord.

That all I ask for now..

熟悉的味道

我之前用的洗发水用完了.

到今天才有时间购买我的日常用品.
之前我都没有去搜索这个我怀念的味道.

今天,我再次闻到这个我很喜欢的味道,我也很怀念的味道.
每次你在身边,每次你的拥抱,有着你熟悉的味道..
真的很舒服,我真的很怀念..这个味道...

写到这里,我真的很傻...

是时候用这个味道来提醒我,
已变了,也消失了...

它只是一个...回忆的味道...

该是睡觉的时候了,不过casting crowns的I Know You're There真的很动听.
你也听听吧....

And Yet I Live

How many sleepless night I have been through???
How many worries dwell in me day and night???

How long for each of the prayer I keep for each of you???

How much I need to bear the consequences of others decision that affect me???

How can I take so many things with my ordinary strength and with the little wisdom that I have???
How to obey wholeheartedly to my Master when life seem so hard, hopeless and helpless to me??
Amazingly, I've been through all this and guess what, And Yet I Live.

How applicable to me in this year PYP theme.. And yet I live..

About few weeks back, I have caught in the middle to see those leaders that I respect the most, they stand up fighting, accusing, and shouting to one another. I feel very sad about it.
I can't even to stay until the conversation end. I don't have the courage to face the true war.

However, now then, after few weeks, I even firm my presence in Petra is not an accident.
My presence in Petra not because of Mr.Lian or Mr.Hing;

I come to Petra not because church got Steven Yam or the person I love the most;

I come to serve not because my commander ask me to do so.
No. It is because the One who call me to come, now, I'm here for Him-my Master Lord Jesus.

Though it sad, heart broken and discourage, but, through this incident, I even firm about my presence in Petra it is because none other than my God.

With this eye open incident, I begin to understand what is spiritual warfare about. Perhaps, I just begin to see a little bit only. But, it is very scary and horrible. Satan always come with his professional skill - destroy. Destroy the relationship between one another and break the unity and even change the love into hatred. And guess what, Satan happily doing so.

From that day onward, I keep remind myself about what Paul said about a soldier for spiritual battles. We need to equip ourselves with the very word of God. So that, we will not kill by satan and able to survive in the battle, And Yet I Live.

And so, I will do whatever I can in support my church and the ministry in benefit the youth and the church with my best.

Galatians 2 : 20-21
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

What are words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most
I'm forever keeping my angel close

Song what are words by Chris Medina

Some words when you spoke it out and you can never take it back.

Some words when you said and you mean nothing but why you said so?
Some words when come to right time should said NO but you remain silent, why??
What are words if you don't really mean them...

the need of discipline through pain

I do experience so much about life in this 3 years.

How much is the cost to pay for all this experiences of all good and bad?

uncountable, I think..

Being very innocent in tasting life,

don't know what is life,

never consider the cost to pay,

not even bother the consequences,

and even worst is, I thought I'm handle rightly, but, I just failed it.

Until, I know what is pain, and even so,

discipline through pain that make me strong in the Lord.

So much tears that easily drop down by simply follow emotion.

At one point, I ask the Lord, pls take me home.

Pls take me home.
Life is so full of pain and heartache.
I don't want to face all this anymore,

I don't want all this anymore.

I struggle.

I cried.

And I prayed.

Again, I cried.

What had happened in my church, that make me even firm and sure that,

my presence in church is because of my commitment in serving

the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and love.

Even so, I want to give my very best to keep the unity of my church.

Not to destroy, but to build it.

my base is Jesus Christ.

Also, I come to the Lord with a thankful heart in worship Him

with what I have and what I don't have.

Now then, I understand in Hebrew 11
how God see the need to discipline He love ones through pain.

God encourage me to run with perseverance (Hebrew 12:1)

God tell me to stay focus in His Son-Jesus (Hebrew 12:2)

so that I will not grow weary and lose heart (Hebrew 12:3)

For my God discipline those He loves (Hebrew 12:6)

Continue endure in hardship as discipline,

for God is treating me as His child (Hebrew 12:7)

And no discipline seems pleasant at that time, but painful. (Hebrew 12:11)

Life is much more easier if we just focus ourselves in the Lord.

I do appreciate for every single work from

God that is under His control

and in His right timing.

With this, what I need to persevere on

is just simple..

Stay focus in Jesus

with prayer and with an obedient heart

in follow His will.

May all this will be please unto you.

Hurt

Use things to love people, not use people to love things.

How irresponsible for you can hurt without realize it?
How many time I need to bear with your irresponsible consequences and self-fish decision?

You have what you want, why still find me??

You can do much better without me as many witness your growth whether grow stronger or weaker..that's your choice.
Your presence only remind me of hurt and heartache and painful experience.

Now then, I have even important and urgent calling to carry.

I have no time for all this petty stuffs, I will not take it into my services to my Lord.
I'm sorry, I already move on.

Use things to love people, not use people to love things.
So then, I know, I will not bring hurt to others as I also don't like hurt by others.

hoping for ending

Life is so hard to endure, difficult to go on and even so painful more than easy and happy.

Sometime, I do hope for an ending of all this or never have all this in my life.

I'm just got to realize, I'm just begin to learn what it really mean by walking with the Lord closely although I thought I know it In few years back. And actually, I just begin to learn to walk in a very 1st step. This road is a narrow road. I just begin my step but I already hoping to see the end of the road.

For I have crucified with Christ, And yet I live,

Not I but Christ live within me.

His cross will never ask for more than I can give,

For it not strength but His...

How true is the lyrics.. If my reason not because of Jesus Christ, I will not have enough courage to stay to face the pain.

Thank you, Jesus.

Depending on God is not a weakness, but rather acknowledging His strength!

Depending on God is not a weakness, but rather acknowledging His strength!

This is a post from brother Dillion on facebook. When I read it, my tears drop again.

In my heart is saying,"How I hope I can learn up this in an easy way by n0t going through the painful lesson. This is what trouble me all the time. Even, affect me in worship the Lord."

Depending on God is not a weakness, but rather acknowledging His strength!

Do you all know how many unanswered question in me??

why must this way? why not that way?

why with me is a wrong decision from start till now?

why with her is not a wrong at all?

how to get rid from all this?

how to don't care for something that you care the most?

how to be "it doens't matter anymore" while the impact of rejected betrayed, and shame over all this time?

How to seek God when my eyes blinded?

How to trust again?

Why my friend get so happy and just like what they want, and me??

what do I have or earn from all this??

Why they still can happily dating out there??

If we all really care and love, why still have this kind of decision?

Why we all know we will have to give an account to God and still behave like such including myself?

How long I need to see the rubbish behave like wise?

How long I can stand like a normal people in church?

How long I need to persevere with pain and struggle?

And I do all this for what? Who am I to ask for a care or a love?

Am I getting stronger or I just make it worst??

I only know myself clear is..my heart is not willing..

I am not willing to depend on God. I am not willing depend on God's strength.

But, what dillion wrote...it just make me realize, I'm so stupid.. I'm so in hurt and somehow I lost my attention to let God help. I just hold it to myself.

My grace is sufficient for you.For my power is made perfect in weakness.

Whatever I can't do, God already do it for me. And I need to do is only let God do it for me. Let God in and I will find peace in Him. I hope and I pray, I will learn how to sincerely worship and praise the Lord with what I have and with what I don't have.

If you do really care, don't ask me anything but pray for me. with much love, thank you.

Depending on God is not a weakness, but rather acknowledging His strength!

2days 1night in Penang

In this Public Holiday of May, I didn't have my holiday at all..

But, having my Company Annual Dinner at Penang Estin Hotel.

This hotel, it just so nice, so comfortable and..luxury(from my standard)..

Well, herewith some picture for the room I stay just for a night..

my bed, table, tv..and bedroom was awesome...

hahahaha...

Then Annual dinner at night..

Opening speech by my GM..

really a short one..just within few minutes..i guess..

After that, I just keep on eat and eat and

watched for a lot boring and meaningless

show throughout the night..

Halfway, I wonder, what did my church people did at the Sunday morning..

well, just a thought..

My number for lucky draw sessions.

However, I'm not qualified in the lucky draw session

for reason working in this company less than a year.

So, what to do???

eat loh..

from 7.30pm on off eat until show end at 11pm..

just for fun I took this picture..

2 mini cheese tart with a caramel cream cake..

and my coffee to keep me warm..

After dinner, I bathed and sleep.

Next day, go to Prai for Company Sales training from 9am until 5pm..

Then, 6pm take bus went back to KL

and reach KL around 1145pm..

That's the end of my Penang trip in this May holiday.

However, I'm looking forward to visit once again

in June for Camp Transformation 2011.

Surely it will be extremely excited and memorable one.

And, I will spend 5days 4 night there.

烂透的人

至今, 心乃有不奋，乃有不甘..

和我一起,无论什么理由都是错的..

和她一起,所有理由都是头头是道..

因为母亲节而和妈妈聊了下,

我妈既然给予我警告说,"要是我还为两个烂到透的人伤心难过,

就再也不要去教会了."

我在教会已有八年,五年后我妈再度禁止我去教会

如果我再为失去的感情流泪..

对我而言,我很感动因为我妈很在乎我..

因为我妈说我,因为我很少笑容了..

在这之后,我也做了祷告..

泣求上帝来帮我脱离心中的苦..

也答应了妈妈不再为这些烂人掉泪..

因为我还想在这教会侍奉..直到上帝说停..

所以,你们也为我祷告吧!

用我的眼睛和心, 心甘情愿的跟随上帝..

把你们两位丢去垃圾桶..

不再去捡回来..

Save up some pls..

Often, I spend without saving..

Therefore, I bought this to motivate myself to save up at least some for myself..

You may think this is little.

Who knows sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi Bukit..

But oh, my mum scolded me when I told her I bought this for save up..

my mum said,"before you save up you already spend on this bottle.

Save your head meh?"

=.=

well, I still will save up some..

for further purpose

^^

Belated Birthday Celebration for Amy Pooi

Okay, after all the tired and long day on Ervonne's Wedding Day..

Let go out and have a simple makan celebration with

our best mummy between 5 of us..

(sound like celebrate mother's day more than her birthday O.o )

Anyway, she is a good mother in future.. ^^

We went to 1 Utama lah,

We ate Shogun lah,

We all have different makan look lah,

Just like below lah..

a sushi with a lot wasabi in his mouth..

Nicholas like to eat oyster de look

Amy's eating look..

Round Rou's prepare to eat de look...

after we eat until very full, then we spend about

4 hours just to chit chat and update with one another..

Then, we went to walk walk and I saw this decoration set up

very nice and it remind me of Jocelyn...

So, I took it for reference..

Nice or not???

Then, we all went to Daison lah...

At there, Rou Sang discover a very cute toy.

Therefore, we bought one for further purpose..

^^

hehe

Then, we came to this Pet Shop lah..

And we saw this leng lui puppy..

After...don't know how many hours walking,

we all feel thirsty and we proceed too the shop

call Little Taiwan..

Nicholas eat rice + drink,

Henri drink + play angry bird,

Amy eat ice kacang - the sago (bcx too sour)

Rou eat rice + eat ice - the sago (bcx too sour)

Me???

eat rice + watch henri play angry bird..

Then oh, after Nicholas make complaint to the shop worker,

then, we all get 15% discount from our bill..

and this complaint boleh pakai...

hahahaha..

just joking...pls don't take it... XO

After makan, we all went home lah...

That's the end of the celebration in spending time

with our best buddy...

And I'm happy with it..^^